Wednesday’s Wonder November 8, 2009

It sounded like being underwater, the sounds you hear when watching TV specials about the deep sea.

 

It was the most beautiful sound, one that I’d been dreaming of hearing for months. And just as sudden as the sweet music appeared, so did the picture.

 

There Baby was on the ultrasound screen, moving and squirming like mad as if to say, “Leave me alone; you interrupted my sleep.”

 

Behind me I heard a catch in Dad’s throat and he fought back tears . . . which he finally gave in to. I knew that was the end for me, and sure enough the tears rolled down my cheeks. Kristen too. Smiles erupted, gasps surfaced, and chuckles escaped in the tight exam room as the seven us (Brent, Staci, Kristen, me, Mom, Dad, and Staci’s college roommate, Sarah) observed the four-ounce developing body moving inside my sister’s womb.

 

The lab tech smiled at our wonder as well as our relief that Baby was growing and developing just as our Creator God intended. We lingered in the room for 20 minutes as she took pictures with the high-tech machinery and pointed out Baby’s body parts. I think we could’ve stayed all day but others in the waiting room were awaiting their turn to view their own bundle of wonder.

 

“You wanna know what it is?” she asked. We responded with a quick YES!

 

“It’s a girl.” More smiles, tears, and sighs all-around.

 

I immediately began to dream of the tiny niece I’ll hold in April, not once doubting that that would happen. After multiple losses, it’s finally fun to dream and trust that God wants that too.

 

It was so wonderful leaving the doctor’s office (located in an area hospital) last Wednesday with good news, where tears of grief had become all too common multiple times in months past.

 

That day was one full of celebration—a trip to Babies R Us, discussion of baby names, and all kinds of baby talk.

 

A perfect day with my family, one absolutely full of wonder, and more importantly, hope.

Faith in God’s Character November 1, 2009

“Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds.”   –Oswald Chambers

Do I believe God is who He says he is when my own human mind doubts?

“The highest and the greatest expression of faith in the whole Bible is–’Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him’ (Job 13:15).” (Mr. Chambers again)

Do I trust God’s character in my own mind? It’s a daily battle for me, especially right now. Oh that I would not be swayed or moved as my steadfast heart trusts Him (Psalm 57:7 & 112:7).

Amen.

 

Unlikely Friends October 25, 2009

Meet Laura (far right).

Musician, singer, and songwriter. Lover of good coffee, quality musicians, Nertz, and relationships.

We’re in the same small group here in Indy, a collection of four women that meets every Monday evening at 6:30 at my roommate and I’s apartment. Surprisingly, I knew “Pish” (last name Piscitello) before I knew many of my current friends here.

In 2007, I did a brief writer’s training/internship in Orlando with Campus Crusade for Christ’s magazine, Worldwide Challenge, and one of my first writing assignments was to write Laura’s story (click on link and scroll to bottom of page). At the time, Laura served as an intern with Keynote, CCC’s creative arts ministry.

We first “met” on the phone in January 2007,  and later in person when I flew to Indy for two weddings in June. She picked me up at my sister’s house where I was staying during my visit and we headed to McAlister’s on 116th Street in Fishers. Before I moved to Indy, we’d seen each other a handful of times but since I joined the small group with her, Kristin, and Vanessa in May, God has allowed our friendship to deepen. I love my new friend and couldn’t imagine life here in Indy without her as she now serves as a full-time Keynote staff member.

We chuckle when we think of how God is truly in the details–how our paths have crossed in this city when (for all we knew back during that initial phone interview) we thought we’d probably never meet in person. Isn’t that usually how He operates though?

In this case, I really am thankful that He cares about the little things, especially when it comes to details and friendships!

Like a Baby October 25, 2009

In June I had three dreams about pregnancy and babies in five nights’ time. I thought for sure that this was God speaking to me about my sister, saying a pregnancy was in her immediate future. (Turns out, she has gotten pregnant since then, but that’s beside the point.)

I kept thinking for weeks that these dreams were about my sis, till my confidence was shattered when I visited a dream interpreter at my roommate’s church. When she told me that the dreams had more to do with me than my sister, I wasn’t convinced. Honestly, I was terribly disappointed because I just knew those dreams had to do with my dear sister.

Then on our way home from church, my roommate confessed that she’d been sensing all along that my dreams were about me instead. Great. Two for two.

I’d all but forgotten about this till I caught up on the phone this past week with my friend Cathy who is pregnant with twins. She asked how was I doing, I bluntly communicated that I was struggling in Indy, and I thought that was that. After all, she needed to get back to her young son’s piano lesson.

I expressed that:

-I’m still not adjusted even after living in Indy for a year.

-My heart stirs constantly to be in full-time ministry again.

-I’ve not felt like myself in months.

-I feel like my passion has disappeared.

-My life feels unsatisfied, almost like I’m missing something unknown and better.

After expressing my heart, Cathy gave me the picture that immediately came to her mind. She immediately saw a baby…one being developed in it’s mama’s womb, just waiting for the day when darkness is replaced with light. A baby is in a place of waiting, after all, and although helpless once it’s born, that helplessness is magnified as he or she is living in the womb, waiting to make an appearance. Forty weeks in the womb is likened to a waiting period. What is characteristic of a baby waiting to be born? It’s solely dependent upon the mother for nourishment and safety. It can’t go anywhere. Substantial preparation and growth is happening.

What struck me is that God knows exactly how many days a baby needs in it’s mama’s womb before he or she makes an appearance. Each baby’s period of growth and development in the womb is different, and yet perfect, every day planned by the Creator.

Turns out, that’s me right now. Waiting, growing, being developed in what feels like a darkened holding place. It feels like I’ll be here for forever. (I wonder if that’s the way a baby feels after 40 weeks in a confined, dark space.) I have hopes and dreams that I want to see come true…and I picture those dreams coming true elsewhere: in the U.S. city in which I dream of living, having a full-time ministry position where my writing is making an impact and changing lives (Oh how  I miss that!), doing life with a spouse who pursues the heart of God, and perhaps living in an international city where I can share the gospel with others and experience God in another culture.  

None of those dreams involve living in central Indiana long-term. Unless God surprises me or works wonders in my heart. One of the two (maybe both?!) must happen to convince me.

So in the meantime I’ll wait, and try my hardest to give God the room to grow and develop me in this seemingly small, confined place. I bet when my niece or nephew is born in April we’ll have lots to talk about, and hopefully, by that time, the small, confined place I’m in won’t feel so tiny anymore.

-

Celebrating the Inevitable October 19, 2009

March 15, 2010, will be here before I know it, as will the age that accompanies it.

I was born in 1980, so do the math. Yep, 30. Just typing the digits is a bit excruciating, so, I’ve decided to do something about this big date on the calendar. I’ve asked two friends to take a trip with me somewhere in the U.S., an extended weekend to celebrate turning 30.

I’d like to invite you, my friends, to suggest some trip ideas, keeping these few things in mind:

-Short weekend (Maybe a Thursday-Sunday trip?)

-Cheap budget required

-A somewhat warm location since March in the Midwest is still undesirably chilly.

So have at it, friends! Send me your ideas so I can celebrate turning 30 rather than dread this big milestone in my life.

No Looking Back September 29, 2009

LIFE girls: Kristin, Vanessa, & Laura

I think I’ve turned a corner. Maybe for good.

Indy has been “home” for 11 months, but most days since pulling into town I’ve fought the desire to hop in my Honda and drive 125 miles on I-70 east back to Ohio. A part of me never left the Buckeye State, the place where I truly learned how to walk with God, where my heart for the world began to form, where I first understood the meaning of deep, intimate relationships and community, and where five years of memories formed.

Really, friends. I’ve been this close to running back a handful of times to the place that became easy and comfortable in which I lived. And I know I’ve talked about Ohio so much at times that others probably formed minor irritations and stop listening halfway through our conversation.

But Saturday I went to bed knowing my feelings were suddenly different. I had the best day hiking at Brown County State Park in Nashville, Indiana, and later fixing dinner, playing games, and talking with friends. I joined old friends (“old” as in girls I’ve known since day one here) and new friends (people I’ve known for a few months and some I just met right before our hike), and felt like I could truly be me and enjoy them in return. I laughed so often and conversed so freely on Saturday with these men and women that I found myself mentally saying good-bye to Ohio.  

Don’t get me wrong. I have met some pretty fun, cool friends here outside of these folks, and I am so grateful for those relationships. But I feel like this group has welcomed me with open arms and gone out of their way to invite me to things, take time to ask questions to get to know me, and let me be me! One of the guys even referred to me on Sunday night as an honorary staff member with Keynote (the ministry most of them are on staff with), Campus Crusade’s creative arts ministry. My heart swelled.

Three of these women are those in my Monday night “LIFE” group. We meet weekly to talk, cry, pray, laugh, eat, veg, and vent. They’d been meeting since August ‘08 and after two of the girls moved out of state, the remaining three prayerfully sought the Lord and invited me in May to be a part of their group. I have experienced deep intimacy in these relationships ever since–similar to my relationships in Ohio and with close friends in other parts of the country. My heart is so thankful for Vanessa (my roommate), Kristin, and Laura.

So here I am, about to celebrate one full year in Indy, and this group of guys and girls, made up of current and former Campus Crusade staff members, has enthusiastically embraced me into their circle of friends.

I no longer feel like escaping back “home” to Ohio. Thank you, Jesus.

Lessons Learned in Czech September 16, 2009

Here it is, a month after I return from the Czech Republic and I have yet to write my own personal reflections. That’s inexcusable, considering I was the official blogger for our team of North Americans.

 

I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been chewing on what to say these last four weeks. While that’s partially true, I’m fully guilty of placing this task on the to-do list in my yellow notepad, saying, “Tomorrow. I’ll get to it tomorrow.” Every day that passed, it never got crossed off my list.

 

Thankfully, “tomorrow” is here. And actually one good thing to come of my procrastination is that I did (maybe with a little help from the Holy Spirit!) think up some captivating reflections. At least I’d like to think so.

 

Three words capture this “media lady’s” 2009 EuroCamp experience. (Gotta love the name given to me by our Czech friends before I even landed on their soil. )

 

Journey                                                                                                 

 

No matter where a person is on the “God-spectrum,” an interested heart is on a journey to know Him, whether for the first time or as a long-time Christian. After all, didn’t the Father create us with a God-shaped hole that will always feel empty until we come to Him through Christ in relationship? If a camper at the 2009 EuroCamp heard the gospel for the first time during an evening rally in Svratouch and is still thinking about who God is, he (or she) is presently on a journey with Him.

 

How about me? I’m still on the journey, even though I’ve known God for ten years. Presently, I’m in one of the biggest journeys of my 29 years when it comes to my faith and asking Him to move in ways in which only He can.

 

A journey is a process and we’re traveling on one whether we realize it or not.

 

Stirring

 

The next time you’re sitting outside on your front porch or back patio and all is quiet, listen to the gentle breeze surrounding you. I wrote in my personal journal on August 12, 2009, while our team was still in the country:

 

“God is stirring up hearts here, moving even when we don’t see it or sense it. We must trust that He is like the wind here, moving like leaves on trees, whether quietly or restlessly.”

 

I created a blog post about this very thing while I sat in the back of an English class at camp.

 

Relationships

 

Life is about relationships.

 

We see this modeled in the most perfect relationship (the Trinity: God, Jesus, Holy Spirit), and even in the way God pursues a relationship with us, His children. What good is life if we’re constantly on the go, consistently in task-mode, and have no one on this earth who knows us deeply? We weren’t meant to live this life alone.

 

I’m an extremely relational being. One of my favorite things to do is sit with someone and engage in meaningful conversation. Nine times out of ten, that’d be my first choice when it comes to spending time with people.

 

Relationships endure through the good, bad, and ugly. No, scratch that. We need people as we walk through life circumstances. In fact, we’re called to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Permit me to share a few examples below.

 

Last weekend I drove two hours to my old “home” of Dayton, Ohio, to celebrate a friend’s 30^th birthday. In four hours’ time, I laughed and talk to numerous friends, and my heart returned to Indianapolis full of life.

 

I have a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer and starts chemo treatment tomorrow. She’s 29 years old. I plan to visit her in a few weeks, and the opportunity to encourage her in person has never seemed so important.

 

Tomorrow, I’m headed to Texas to see three of my closest friends. These women bring life to my spirit and to sit on each of their couches and talk, laugh, cry, and pray together is something I’ve looked forward to for weeks.

 

I have a family member who has endured the toughest 21 months of her life, one full of loss. To love her in the midst of shattered dreams has brought incredible life to my heart and taken our relationship to new levels of depth.

 

Why wait for tragedies and curve balls to let others know how much you care for them? Approach relationships with urgency, excitement, and expectation. Invest in lives, minister to others, and love people.

 

That’s the gospel lived out, and my greatest lesson learned through my trip to Czech. Individuals see Christ in us as we engage in relationships with them. They have an encounter with Jesus just by spending time with us.

 

You may never know the eternal impact you’ve had on a soul just by spending time with someone.

Sisters September 8, 2009

I love my sisters.

 

Nothing magical, overly impressive, or super special. I don’t claim to be an expert on loving people well. Lord knows I’ve failed many times over at that one.

 

No, this is more a crazy, unexplainable love that is undoubtedly spurred by the gospel, by the One who lives in me.

 

I live in a suburb of Indianapolis about two hours and twenty minutes from my southwestern hometown of Vincennes. My sisters (and bro-in-law) live in the same county, just 25 minutes east of me. They all lived here first—Brent and Staci moved to the area more than five years ago when they got married, and Kristen has been here 13 months.  Up until this weekend, she lived with them in the spare bedroom in their trendy, cute (décor courtesy of my talented middle sister!) house on Touchdown Drive.

 

I moved to the area on Halloween night, 2008, because of a job change, and couldn’t believe how God hooked up all the details. To live close to both sisters again for the first time since 2000 seemed like an absolute dream come true.

 

And it has been: family dinners during the week, walks around the neighborhood, bonding with their half-human boxer, Charly, sister dates, meaningful conversation, many laughs and lots of tears. I’ve loved it. Mom and Dad also love that they can drive 125 miles and see all three daughters in one single trip.

 

Anyway, I digress. You wanna know why I love these two girls so much? (The same two I used to boss around as the oldest of three? So much that they called me “Mom” growing up?!)

 

Staci is one of the strongest 20-something women I’ve ever met. This fun-loving, trendy, caring, typical middle child seems way beyond her years sometimes. I guess enduring multiple tragedies in such a short amount of time will do that to a person. Seriously, I’ve watched her journey and grieve through the hardest months of her life and yet cling to Jesus while letting Brent love her—even in the times when giving up was probably ten times easier to do.

 

When I was on staff with Athletes in Action, one of the ways our sports tours members would attempt to get to know others was to name our 3 H’s: hero, highlight, and heartache experienced in life. If someone were to ask me that question today, I’d name Staci as my hero. To see her faith grow abundantly despite life’s shattered dreams has spurred me on to see, know, and experience the Lord in new ways.

 

I love you, Stace, and couldn’t be more proud of you. I am honored to call you “sister.”

 

Kristen is the youngest of three girls, and again, a typical youngest child. Life of the party, intellectual, lover of great books, and quick witted, she can make me laugh in 2.5 seconds. This girl has tons of courage: she moved to Scotland at age 23 to get her master’s degree (and study literature and write a thesis that is way over my head!), and lived in the U.K. for an entire year. At the end of the day, I’d love to do the same (move overseas for a short period of time) but fear sometimes grips my heart. But not Kristen. She went and loved [almost ]every minute of it. At times she even aches to move back. Her courageous and brave heart encourages me and makes me want to experience life outside of what I know. Outside of what’s easy and comfortable.

 

I have never loved you more, Kristen, and am proud of the woman you are. Thanks for loving me despite my “Mom-ish” moments.

 

I’m sure those of you who know these beautiful, gifted, generous, and courageous ladies would back me up with my thoughts above. What a privilege it is to love these girls. Everyday I am compelled to love them as Christ loves me. I fail miserably at times but their grace abounds. Despite some disagreements and misunderstandings that come with each relationship, I am so blessed.

 

And I’ve never loved them more.

Words That Worship August 28, 2009

As a writer, I think about words often. Sometimes I labor over which words sound the best, how a sentence should be structured, and how my words are conveyed.

But do I ever think about my own words–the ones that escape my tongue, and whether they bring life or tear down?

I read this quote earlier on the Worldwide Challenge blog: “Words are weapons for good or ill.” –Jill Briscoe. Since I’ve been the recipeint of some harsh words a few times this summer (and am still dealing with the effects), I can give a hearty “amen!”

But what about my own words to others?

Jill Briscoe also says this: “Words that work are words that worship.”

I want to be a woman who gives life-giving words of worship, words that bring good to others’ hearts…even to those whose words pierce my own. In no way can I achieve this goal without the constant prodding of the Holy Spirit. I am needy, even in something as common and simple as using my voice.

Do your words worship? Or are they weapons for ill?

Less than one percent August 23, 2009

This morning I made my second visit to a church in Indy. It’s easily the second largest church I’ve ever attended, second only behind First Baptist in Orlando.

I have no idea how many were in the 11:15 a.m. service but since the church has multiple ones, I’m guessing attendance was rather large. Apparently, they’re outgrowing their space, too, since the pastor made comments about making traffic flow in the parking lot, sanctuary, and hallway go more smoothly.

Here I was sitting in a mass of people, most of whom I don’t even know, when just last Sunday I sat in a sanctuary in Brno, Czech Republic, where numbers average 20-25. The stark reality of just how few people in this European nation know Christ hit me hard today. Could it possibly be that the 500 or so in worship this morning outnumber the total Czechs in Brno (population around 380,000) who know Christ as their Savior? If we consider the stats, that’d be a “yes.”

Less than one percent of Czechs are evangelical Christians. One percent. How’s that for a stark reality? I can’t get my brain to fully understand that even though I just saw for myself over a two-week period.

Oh that I wouldn’t get so comfortable in my American Christian upbringing that I forget the reality of what’s going on spiritually in the world around me.